Pat Rynard: Still a Petty Little Man. But I’m a Rockstar!

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What an exciting time to be an outspoken Liberal in Iowa who happens to be running for congress.  The fourth of July holiday allowed me the opportunity to speak at a well planned Democratic picnic in West Des Moines and wear my overweight ass out walking in Urbandale and Wuakee’s parades.  Little did I  know how this holiday weekend would end!

On Monday, I was fortunate to be the final speaker at the West Des Moines Democratic Picnic.  Some
would say it was a spirited, fun delivery.  I tend to believe that we are in a time when sometimes you need to laugh to keep from crying.  After that speech, I had an oh-so-awkward encounter with the one, the only, man-child, Pat Rynard, writer for the blog, Iowa Starting Line. Pat approached me after the event had wound down to ask me in a shaky, nervous voice, what I thought of his wardrobe.  After I affirmed that he was, indeed, dressed conservatively, he stated, “I read most of your book.” in the same nervous, ‘I’m about to barf from my abounding nerves’ voice.  “Uhm. Okay?” I responded.  The statement really caught me off guard.  Pat and 12 others have read my tawdry tale about the children’s pageant industry, “Unleashing a Momster“?  At first, I thought, “Gravy!  That’s another five bucks I can use for my campaign, which will piss off Pat!”.  Then he started on a weird little nervous verbal vomit about how I said some things in my book that were similar to the attacks on women he has made in the past (myself included).  I thanked him for his input and ended with, “But Pat, I’m not a member of the media!”  Pat swallowed hard and walked away before I could finish the thought, which would have been, “DUDE!  It’s a book about the pageant moms and working in unscripted TV! I was an entertainer, not a poet laureate!”  But I didn’t get that opportunity.

This morning at 10:40 AM, I received a message from Pat declaring that he was going to print a hit piece on his blog at 11 AM and I could respond, point-by-point, to his nineteen paragraph critique of my book if I desired.  Nineteen paragraphs of cherry picked pieces from my book where I used language with which he didn’t agree and experiences he believed were not consistent with his definition of what a “progressive” should have in their past.

At first I was pissed!  My eyes saw red and I called my campaign manager for his advice.  But he reminded me that Pat has done this same bullshit hit-job to every strong willed, non-traditional candidate who he deems is not what Iowa needs in leadership.  Pat is the absolute WORST kind of “progressive”.  His self-important grandiosity dictates that he knows what Iowans need, but his tiny little man-boy ego just wants to disparage (and attempt to destroy) female candidates.  He is the guy who would triumphantly tell potential women candidates, “You can do anything!” but when they declare their candidacy, the slimy little worm will do his best to punch them in the face until they re-learn their place in society.

I have a super-interesting background: I grew up on the East Side of Des Moines with my union supported family; I served in the Navy; worked as a Civil Servant; was the first in my family to graduate college; moved to Washington, DC to work for NARAL; had a small business that was featured on Reality TV; moved to Kentucky to manage a congressional campaign; got more involved in the entertainment industry; pissed of Senator McConnell; ran for congress in KY-01; moved back to Iowa; did some amazing stuff for the Democratic Party and am now running for Congress in IA-03.  It’s true, I am NOT a conventional candidate with a snooze-fest background.  (READ ALL ABOUT IT BY BUYING MY BOOK HERE) BUT, every one of these experiences have made me the bad ass that I am now, and I will not apologize to some little piss ant who writes for a “progressive” blog!

Pat’s last question to me was, “Do you plan to continue your race for District 3?”   The answer to that question, is “YES!”  Of course I will continue to run!  Pat’s attacks weren’t exactly unexpected – I just expected them to come from THE REPUBLICANS, instead of – AGAIN – Pat Fucking Rynard!  With friends like him, Progressives don’t need enemies.  We’re apparently far too eager to eat each other’s lunch!

Stop drooling, Pat.  You didn’t eat my lunch.  Little man-babies like you aren’t capable of eating what I’m cooking up.  Perhaps my next book will be about my experience in Iowa politics and how you try to pass the buck whenever someone calls you out for being a sexist prick.  I obviously have a panache for colorful language.  Let’s see what I can do to describe your pathetic attacks.

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